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prabu
Mills & Boon … responsible for bad sex and romance? Photograph: John Voos/Reuters/Corbis
Is your choice of reading material affecting your sex life? Are you more Barbara Cartland than Belle de Jour? According to psychologist Susan Quilliam, romantic novels are to blame for a host of modern ills, including unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancies, unrealistic sexual expectations and relationship breakdowns. Writing in the Journal of Family Planning and Reproductive Health Care, a publication one can safely assume has never had anything other than a chastening effect on a reader's carnal appetites, she argues that "what we see in our consulting rooms is more likely to be informed by Mills & Boon than by the Family Planning Association".
Apparently, the bodice-ripping template of endangered heroine plus rescuing hero followed by perfect consummation is distorting readers' ideas of what they can expect from real-life relationships. "We want women to be aware of their own desires rather than be 'awakened'," Quilliam writes. "We aim to reassure our female clients that their first time may not be utterly joyful." She also warns against resorting to "relentless babymaking as proof of a relationship's strength".
So tell us the truth: does reading Danielle Steel make you less likely to use a condom? Do you live in a romantic fantasy world, or pride yourself in distinguishing fiction from reality? And, if your love life were to resemble a novel, which one would it be?
Give some subtle suggestions
For men (even though he's known you for a while now) a woman's libidinous longings are not always easy to decipher. If you drop some hints about what all you want and guide him along, he will love you for it.
Trust us, the man who really loves you would love to please you in every way possible. So, talk to him and tell him if he's doing just what you wanted or if you want him to continue with something a little longer.
Bowl him over with a wild move
Do something unexpected and wild when you both are at it. Something erotic that he will not be able to forget soon. Make your session stand out by coming up with signature moves. Work on pleasuring him in different ways.
Offer the spice of variety
Change in speed, positions and pressure can really make the entire experience very different. Whether it is the foreplay or the actual act, if there is variety he will never really know what to expect and therefore it will help a great deal in revving up his senses.
Turn it on yourself
Since women take time to get turned on, men love women who can take that responsibility off them so that he can actually get to work. Though your man may love to do all that he needs to in order to get you aroused but he would definitely like it if you were already half-way there. Somehow the fact that you are already in an aroused state is a huge thing for him.
Spring a surprise
For men it is a massive ego boost to know that you want him too. Surprising him with a spontaneous seduction act can really win him. He will not be likely to forget it in a hurry.
Don't be scared to be naughty
Don't hold back when you are with your guy. Yes, we know that you have this 'good-girl' image that you hold sacred. Men like to see this other side of you when you are not scared to break his 'good-girl' image of you. They will never cause offense by actually asking you to do it. Just show him that you are really into him and want him as much as he wants you.
Give him an eyeful
Leaving something on your body, for him to remove can be very arousing. When you are at it just make sure you are near a mirror so that you can see yourselves in action. It can be hot.
Get rough
Yes, he wants it rough at times and he would love it if you let him know that you want it too. Bring out the beast in him and tell him you are having the time of your life.
Take over
Sometimes men just want you to take over while he just lies down and enjoys. It is an ultimate fantasy for them.
Wear his fav lingerie
Show him that you care by wearing his favourite lingerie.
Picture this: You are enjoying a steamy sex session with your partner. As your passion reaches its climax, an ultimate sexual joy is felt like never before. The moment both of you get over with this night of passion, your partner head towards your study and starts reading or turns over and falls into a dead slumber. What a turn-off indeed!
It's just one of those mistakes that couples often commit soon after enjoying an intimate session with their partner. They might have made all the necessary efforts to satisfy their partner in bed, but just one little mistake can spoil all the fun!
The nature of these after-sex mistakes hints that you were just waiting for sex to get over so you could indulge in some other non-sexual activity. Or in some cases, it shows that you had something else running through your mind while having sex.
Though these are absolutely unintentional acts that partners get caught up in, these are often the terrible goof-ups that kill the sexual mood. Also, couples fail to understand that switching off from the sexual state of mind can leave the other partner highly irked.
Dr. Pushkar Gupta, a Chandigarh-based sex therapist opines, "It is very likely that partners who right away indulge in something else after having sex, might have performed sex as a duty and not an act of enjoyment. While there are several ways to keep up the mood even after the actual sex is over, some partners look for ways to remain busy and thus they end up committing lesser known 'after-sex' mistakes."
Dr. Amita Mishra, sex and relationship expert states, "After enjoying the sexual act, if a partner tries to get involved in something not related to sex, it surely makes the other partner feel disowned. While there should be an effort to linger on with the sexual feel even after the actual act is over, couples who deviate from this mood are certainly affecting their sexual relationship."
We list some recurring 'after-sex' mistakes that couples indulge in. So the next time you get intimate, make sure you do not switch into something else just after finishing the act. Let the mood linger on for enhanced pleasure ...
Falling asleep at once : Most couples come across this problem where either one of the partners or both would fall asleep soon after having sex. It certainly is a big goof-up that can kill the charm of sex. Sleeping at once would not allow you to cherish your performance and neither let you enjoy the mood with which you enjoyed that night of passion.
Making way for washroom : Enjoying a hot shower together can be a great foreplay act, but rushing to the washroom right after a hot romp is definitely not! While couples won't mind getting messy in their sexual acts, but as soon as it's over, they make way to the washroom to clean-up. It might sound okay, but they forget that the other partner might still be enjoying that mood and want to have more of it. Heading straight to the washroom makes the other partner feel that there's been something unpleasing about the act, which can mar your sexual bliss.
Calling a friend : This is another common mistake that couples face after a steamy session. While it's obvious that none would call a friend at odd hours to discuss official matters, so why can't a petty talk wait till the morning? When it's time to enjoy sex, it's indeed a gaffe to keep your eyes and ears stuck onto your mobile phone waiting for a message or keeping an eye on your missed calls. It makes the other partner feel as if you're just not interested and thus ruins all the fun.
Heading towards study or work : What couples think of during sex remains an unanswered question. Those who head towards study-room right after a romp may just give the answer. Thinking books and reading is indeed a sex blunder! Like sexual moments, it's equally important to enjoy the after-sex pleasure. If you rather descend towards your study, leaving behind your partner, it won't bring any good to your sexual relationship. If you prefer reading a book instead of cuddling and snuggling, you are indeed inviting trouble into your sex paradise.
Sleeping separately : You might have a habit of sleeping separately in guest bedroom or on the terrace, but on a particular night when you've een intimate with your partner, exceptions are allowed. After a lovemaking session, it's not a good idea to abandon your partner and pack your sheets and pillow to move to another room for a sound sleep. It will not only kill the passion on that night, but would also tarnish your sexual relations for several nights to follow.
Bringing kids to sleep along : Letting anyone invade your sexual privacy is bound to mar your sexual pleasure and kids are no exception. Many mothers have a tendency to bring kids to sleep alongside on the same bed and if that happens after having sex, it can't get worse. Well, such a gesture has all the reasons to annoy the other partner, who might have planned something more sensual to be enjoyed after a steamy romp.
Eating another meal : Eating an aphrodisiacal meal together with your beloved can be a great start before a lovemaking act. But moving to the kitchen right after having sex looking for something to eat is equally disgusting. It ruins the entire passion and would make your partner feel that you didn't enjoy sex just because you were hungry and had food on your mind.
It's just one of those mistakes that couples often commit soon after enjoying an intimate session with their partner. They might have made all the necessary efforts to satisfy their partner in bed, but just one little mistake can spoil all the fun!
The nature of these after-sex mistakes hints that you were just waiting for sex to get over so you could indulge in some other non-sexual activity. Or in some cases, it shows that you had something else running through your mind while having sex.
Though these are absolutely unintentional acts that partners get caught up in, these are often the terrible goof-ups that kill the sexual mood. Also, couples fail to understand that switching off from the sexual state of mind can leave the other partner highly irked.
Dr. Pushkar Gupta, a Chandigarh-based sex therapist opines, "It is very likely that partners who right away indulge in something else after having sex, might have performed sex as a duty and not an act of enjoyment. While there are several ways to keep up the mood even after the actual sex is over, some partners look for ways to remain busy and thus they end up committing lesser known 'after-sex' mistakes."
Dr. Amita Mishra, sex and relationship expert states, "After enjoying the sexual act, if a partner tries to get involved in something not related to sex, it surely makes the other partner feel disowned. While there should be an effort to linger on with the sexual feel even after the actual act is over, couples who deviate from this mood are certainly affecting their sexual relationship."
We list some recurring 'after-sex' mistakes that couples indulge in. So the next time you get intimate, make sure you do not switch into something else just after finishing the act. Let the mood linger on for enhanced pleasure ...
Falling asleep at once : Most couples come across this problem where either one of the partners or both would fall asleep soon after having sex. It certainly is a big goof-up that can kill the charm of sex. Sleeping at once would not allow you to cherish your performance and neither let you enjoy the mood with which you enjoyed that night of passion.
Making way for washroom : Enjoying a hot shower together can be a great foreplay act, but rushing to the washroom right after a hot romp is definitely not! While couples won't mind getting messy in their sexual acts, but as soon as it's over, they make way to the washroom to clean-up. It might sound okay, but they forget that the other partner might still be enjoying that mood and want to have more of it. Heading straight to the washroom makes the other partner feel that there's been something unpleasing about the act, which can mar your sexual bliss.
Calling a friend : This is another common mistake that couples face after a steamy session. While it's obvious that none would call a friend at odd hours to discuss official matters, so why can't a petty talk wait till the morning? When it's time to enjoy sex, it's indeed a gaffe to keep your eyes and ears stuck onto your mobile phone waiting for a message or keeping an eye on your missed calls. It makes the other partner feel as if you're just not interested and thus ruins all the fun.
Heading towards study or work : What couples think of during sex remains an unanswered question. Those who head towards study-room right after a romp may just give the answer. Thinking books and reading is indeed a sex blunder! Like sexual moments, it's equally important to enjoy the after-sex pleasure. If you rather descend towards your study, leaving behind your partner, it won't bring any good to your sexual relationship. If you prefer reading a book instead of cuddling and snuggling, you are indeed inviting trouble into your sex paradise.
Sleeping separately : You might have a habit of sleeping separately in guest bedroom or on the terrace, but on a particular night when you've een intimate with your partner, exceptions are allowed. After a lovemaking session, it's not a good idea to abandon your partner and pack your sheets and pillow to move to another room for a sound sleep. It will not only kill the passion on that night, but would also tarnish your sexual relations for several nights to follow.
Bringing kids to sleep along : Letting anyone invade your sexual privacy is bound to mar your sexual pleasure and kids are no exception. Many mothers have a tendency to bring kids to sleep alongside on the same bed and if that happens after having sex, it can't get worse. Well, such a gesture has all the reasons to annoy the other partner, who might have planned something more sensual to be enjoyed after a steamy romp.
Eating another meal : Eating an aphrodisiacal meal together with your beloved can be a great start before a lovemaking act. But moving to the kitchen right after having sex looking for something to eat is equally disgusting. It ruins the entire passion and would make your partner feel that you didn't enjoy sex just because you were hungry and had food on your mind.
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